intrusive, lingering, painful thoughts

When you criticize the spacing of a person’s children, you wind up condemning the life of that person’s child.


Saying that my life would be easier if my youngest wasn’t born yet is really just a somewhat sugar coated way to say that my youngest shouldn’t be here.  And next month’s egg would be different – making my child different.  Things may or may not be easier if they were different.  But that is not helpful in any real, practical way.  1, it isn’t certain.  2, the hurt caused by saying my child shouldn’t exist will overshadow any intent to convince me to space my next child farther from my last.


And saying you think my child shouldn’t have been born, even if you only mean ‘yet’, is never helpful.  It’s hurtful.  And it will break down trust.


The lack of trust, and the hurt, it lingers.

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One response to “intrusive, lingering, painful thoughts

  1. Handsfull

    Girl, that stinks that someone would say that to you! I’m guessing that it was probably said with good intentions, but that doesn’t really make it hurt any less.
    I had a major melt-down at my lovely MIL (and I don’t mean that sarcastically, she really is lovely) when I was pregnant with baby #4, when I heard her having a conversation with my husband about how hard it was going to be for us, with 4 children under 6, and how were we going to cope etc etc. I know she was genuinely concerned, and given that her 3 children were all at least 5yrs apart our family spacing was completely foreign to her, but really?! I yelled and shouted about how it was a baby, not a death sentence etc… and then had to apologise several times… sigh…
    But if she was really worried about how we were going to cope, why not tell us how she was going to help us when the baby was born? Something like ‘When the baby’s born, I know you’ll be really tired and busy, so why don’t I have the 4yr old for a day once a week?’ That would have been received much better by me, lol!
    I guess it’s all about thinking before you speak.

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